May 4, 2014

A year ago, I lost my best friend in the entire world.  Jessica Dillon was just the angel I needed from the first day I met her my freshman year continuing on to now.  A year ago, I was at a hospital in Boulder praying to God and crying my heart out.  A year ago, I got two phone calls that changed my life forever.  One to shake up my Sunday morning and send me in a haze of tears, prayers, car rides, walks and hugs and a second t to change my life for good.  The night of May 4th, 2014, God called my best friend Jessi home to Heaven after a day of fighting for her beautiful life.  A day filled with chaos and confusion turned to a night sitting on the patio with my other best friend trying to settle into this hard hit reality.  Today will make me cry. Today will make my heart hurt.  This date has been approaching and I have been hiding from it and hiding from this blog as a result.  When the tears fall today, know that as much as I try to be strong and positive, my heart will always be missing a  place for Jessi.  My heart is not empty by any means though.  It is filled with love and memories. The memories flood in as I try to focus on the happy and warm feelings.  Everything happens for a reason.  Every moment lends an opportunity for growth, even the grievous ones.  I admit.  I suffered a fair amount this past year, but I have also grown and morphed in a way I could not even imagine possible.  I am stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I have a confidence in myself I could have never dreamed of.  I can honestly say that I am truly happy in my life.  Even when circumstances are not the best, or I feel stressed or sad, I can look at the bigger picture and I feel secure knowing that I am in a balanced and blissful place.  I owe this to Jessi.  She taught me how to keep an open heart and an open mind, how to focus on the important aspects in life like family, faith, health and love.  She taught me how to lift myself up, so that I can carry on her legacy and lift others up as well.  She taught me to live life with heart, health and happiness–and now I strive to teach those around me as well.  As today carries on, I pray for strength and love and peace.  I pray that I can share Jessi’s story and be inspiring and encouraging to others.

Revelation 21:4

dear Jessi || Journey for Jessi

easter feels

easter feels || Journey for JessiEaster is beyond my favorite holiday.  The spring season, the meaning, the feeling it brings inside me–everything about it just cleanses me and gives me an ignited appreciation for life and all the little things it brings.  I love Easter with all my heart, and why wouldn’t I when this holiday reminds people of new life and rebirth and hope?  I must admit to feeling emotional on Easter.  It’s embarrassing to admit, but I usually tear up in Church.  This Easter I have even more “feels” in me.  One of my favorite Easters was a few years back to my freshman year when I was warmly invited to spend Easter with Jessi and her wonderful family. Continue reading

chasing happiness

cropped-peaceful-longing.jpg

I started this blog as a health blog in memory of my best friend Jessi a few months ago. Jessi was my best friend that I waited to emerge all my life, and the two years I knew her, though short, I felt like we had been friends our whole lives. She was the one and only person I could relate to 100%. I knew she would always understand and help me through difficult times. It has been seven months to the night now. Seven months since I lost my best friend, confidant, and sister in Christ. I miss her every single day, and it still feels as fresh as the night she passed. I have been lying to myself thinking that things have been better. But the truth is, I am very lost.
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frozen: “love is an open door”

This reminded me of Jessi—in so so sooo many ways.  

1.  We both loved Frozen.

2.  It took us forever to see this movie together, so we had to wait until it came out on DVD and we had a movie watching get together with our friends.

3.  Jessi always recorded funny videos of herself singing and being silly on her road trips home and back to school.

All-in-all, this video screams my best friend.  She would have adored it.  This would have been something that I posted on her Facebook wall this summer and texted her about.

I do not think I will ever hear this song in the same note again, but in a very good way.  It has so much meaning now thanks to Todd Stocker and his blog.  I follow him because I knew his daughter Makenzie and danced with her.  He recently wrote a post about this song/video in which he relates the lyrics “love is an open door” back to God and Christ.  Jessi would have loved this even more, as I now do.  

He refers back to the fact that “In Christ, we find our place.  In Christ, we see God’s face.  We say goodbye to the past… He wipes away every tear.”

It really hit home for me, thank you Mr. Stocker.  

Visit him here at toddstocker.com.