Today is not a special day. Today is not my birthday. Today is Monday. Today seems to be filled with the same mundane tasks in my schedule—yet today, today felt like something more when I woke up this morning. When I woke up very late 10 minutes ago, thus making myself unable to attend class—yet, I woke today feeling refreshed, feeling content, feeling like it is a special day, and I knew.
I knew today was the day to get back to my blog. It has been in the works for a month now. I have been privately editing and making tiny adjustments, writing blog posts only as drafts to never be published, only saved for the “right time.” I was waiting to make my comeback worth while, make it perfect, but as a testament to all of the growth I have made these past few months, I knew it will never be “perfect.”
So here lies my first blog post in almost eight months. It feels so good to be back publicly again (not like I haven’t been Instagramming still or anything). It was a much needed journey away I had to undergo myself, and boy, was my soul opened up. I will share more in the future about my growth and awakening I am sure. I am in such a peaceful place in my life. It feels almost inauthentic though to write that considering the past two weeks I have had, but it is true. Writing it out makes me realize and understand it even more.
Hear me out:
Just because your external world is topsy turvy, doesn’t mean your internal self has to suffer.
Yesterday was a shaky day for me, I admit. It was a day when everything you have been dealing with in the past two weeks finally is too much weight to bear and you just break down. I felt that. I felt it hard.
Nothing has changed today, though. Today, I still have a loaded schedule. I still have an exam tonight. I still have an exam Wednesday. I am still an engineer. I still feel like the square peg and the round hole metaphor…
Yet today, today I am not letting my internal self suffer. I am not shoving the peg in the hole, just observing it and the fact that it will not fit today, nor tomorrow, nor ever, and that’s just okay, because I wasn’t meant to fit in such a round space.
So maybe today is special, because I’m making it special. It’s the day I start blogging again. It’s the day I settle back into my peaceful interior. It’s the day I practice kindness and compassion and understanding with myself and others.
It’s my especially unspecial, special day. A very merry unbirthday, to me!
peace & love,