I don’t think I have ever been this genuinely and consistently happy as I have this year–and my happiness keeps escalating with every day. I have grown tremendously this year. I’ve learned to let go of things out of my control. I have learned to dismiss toxic people in my life, and to seek out and pursue only those that can lift me up and enhance my ongoing happiness and harmony. This summer has been one for the books with so much growth, discovery, detoxification, adventure, love, confidence, and inner peace and contentment that I have not felt in a very long time.
I guess that’s why it floored me when a song came on the radio and I had to pull over because I was just overcome with missing you. It’s ironic that this all occurred when driving, because it mentally hit me like a truck on the highway–just so impactful and out of the blue. I sat in the park for a while and collected my thoughts and stared at the setting sun through blurry eyes. I felt like you were there, or at least I prayed you were.
I am still unsure of why the spontaneous grief struck me today amidst a blissful and busy summer day. I think it’s because I wish you were here to enjoy this happiness with me. It’s a happiness so simple and pure. A happiness we were always seeking out for our young adult lives. I feel like I am glimpsing at that happiness now. The sun has come back into my life this year, but not without the few shadows of where your friendship should shine. I miss you every day Jessi. But the empty feelings of loss are filling out with time and are shaping me into the person I am meant to be. I am convinced that these once gaping holes are being filled with more strength and confidence and love then I could have imagined I was capable of holding. Thank you for continuing to fill my life with heart, health and happiness.
love you always,